Cattery is here to stay

I’m a dog guy. Always have been.

No one admits it but just like children, dogs are inconvenient. More so for a single man with a very erratic schedule. So when it came to choosing a pet to fill the emotional void that engulfs one when you get over the relief of finally being home after a tough day at work, I chose a cat. Cats aren’t just less inconvenient, they are in fact, more convenient.

Apart from reading user manuals in the potty and obsessively inspecting the packaging of every newly acquired item, my other main pastime is writing lengthy and pedantic reviews of everything I own. So consider this A Review of My Cat After 3 Months of Ownership: From a Dog Guy.

Why I repeat the dog guy bit is because I refuse to adhere to the strict principles of being a cat owner. I’m not a hipster, do not obsess about feeding her exact wet and kibble portions, do not believe she owns me and certainly don’t call her a domestic shorthair (a cat fancy term for non-fancy cats).

And as she sits here on my chest, all snuggled up and purring softly just a few minutes after unleashing a vicious fart about 4 inches from my nose, I can say that I adore her. She has personality. She’s got charm. Sometimes she’s complete nuts. But most of all, because she’s rather stupid.

There are few things as cute as a little fur-ball with large green eyes, soft pink paws, a wet nose and no brains.

Being stupid doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a modus operandi. Her standard ploy is to hold my large toe hostage between her rapidly growing incisors, demanding a ransom of fish and/or vigorous chin scratching. Then there is the daily ritual of ankle rubs, a paroxysm of fawning (apologies, I have grown fond of these two words and this post is merely an excuse to use them).

Before I got Anjali (also know as Billeshwari, Lakshmi, Cat and in times of sudden and uncontrollable anger, Terimaki), I did not know if cats reciprocated emotionally. But after 3 months of heavy product usage, my review confirms that they are very good at it. Let me deviate slightly to give you an example.

When we dream, real life stimuli often converts into a scene in the dream. Ringing phones appear when your alarm goes off in real life. A character in your dream starts to mouth obscenities when your college roommate is waking you up in real life etc. But my dream rendering engine was left clueless one day when I woke up to see Anjali enthusiastically grooming my beard. At first it was weird, a cat’s sandpapery tongue rummaging through my facial hair. But then I was in that liberal stage of quasi-sleep and I closed my eyes and well… loved it.

She’s pretty, she’s playful and she’s very entertaining. I sincerely and wholeheartedly recommend this product.

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