I’ve always thought of cooking as something terribly challenging.
The root, I tell you, was my over-estimation of the sanctity of marriage. But then I hadn’t been exposed to the Americans yet. Or their drama shows. I merrily assumed if the to-be-mother-in-law found questioning the to-be-bride’s cooking a worthwhile exercise in marital stress interviews, it must be a difficult, difficult thing to do.
Since I’ve set my own rasoi up, I’ve come to know the truth. I find it necessary to note that the exercise didn’t involve a banyan tree.
Cooking is a lot like sex for a lonely man (yes, according to the internet everything is like sex). It’s a little difficult the first couple of times, but after that you know, and do, the drill. The tough part is finding the suitable partner, location, wooing her, remembering contraception, suitable music and what most men forget… foreplay. So it isn’t cooking which is difficult per se.
In the light of these findings, I propose changes to the generic “Khana banana aata hai?” question for the sake of factual correctness and utilitarianism. Sons will most certainly be pleased if interviewers tried discovering the girl’s vegetable selecting, peeling and chopping skills.
Another desi quirk that irks me is the insistence on round rotis (or chapat(h)is or phulkas).
Do you know of ANY non-subcontinental nation that makes round bread? How is a circular roti superior to a non-circular one? Are we compromising functionality for look and feel? Does that mean we are nation of mactards? Or are we clinging on to a useless and dated belief, like a cancer researcher working for a tobacco giant? Or Prince Charles?
Like “Wasaaaap?”, these questions too, are difficult to answer.
Instead I propose a solution, shapeless rotis (soon to be published in a paper cryptically named “The Amoeba Shaped Roti Theory”). Unbeknownst to his innocent self, my roommate has been the subject of experiments all this while. He can now correctly identify and even trace all continents. His keen business acumen has even helped him develop a prototype for a shapeless chakla. Welcome our parabo-ellipsoid dive into the world of culinary entrepreneurship, bitches.